I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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