the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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