apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
