Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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