My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize