I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
