Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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