Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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