I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize