i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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