moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
