I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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