people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
