Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
