The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
