I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
