You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
