at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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