also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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