I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
