Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Randomize
