i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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