so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
