I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
