The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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