Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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