Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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