I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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