You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
