I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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