He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
