you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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