If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
a search helicopter?!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
