I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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