ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
