This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
