i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
