I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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