eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
