I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
