she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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