there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
