is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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