I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
