I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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