i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I will pee on everything he values.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
