Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
