The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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