Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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