At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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