i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
