Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
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I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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