Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
