You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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