i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
